All the things I miss

All the things I miss

I’ve been really looking forward to do this post for some time because it’s something really close to my heart. I think you can write this only once.. cause to overdo this topic wouldn't seem honest..

So let's do this.. You are officially welcomed to the memories that rush through my brain & the burning nostalgia that fills up my heart.

Some of the things I really miss:

1. A long long time ago, I used to be an athlete. I can even safely say that I was really good at sports..once upon a time. So then I was 14 i stopped and got fat or better said too well-proportioned. I somehow knew that I would be good at sports if given a chance no matter how thick I was but i just was too pubertal to pick up the thread. Anyways I may have lost all the weight and call myself pretty sporty right now.. but this time back then… when i was a high achiever.. will never come back!

I miss gymnastics so much. I miss the feeling of participating in a team, i miss how easy it was to achieve almost anything when you have so many other people backing you up. And even you have to satisfy the jury alone with your achievement when it comes to he point, you feel supported, you know you are strong. I miss having this strong immune-system, feeling really healthy, training really hard and see how much everyone had progressed from start.

2. I miss my fathers not funny jokes, i was just laughing about when I was a little kid. Pretty soon i stopped and started feeling embarrassed instead, more for him than for me. Well… now i miss them & above all i miss the bursting out of broad laughter. And seeing him happy as a consequence.

3. This is kind of strange and it’s the first time I felt this way since being in high school but I really kinda miss..studying. To be honest, I don’t even know if I miss Physics or Maths or Chemics, but i miss studying . In my high school, we HAD to do well and I did do well, but was it because I had to or because I liked it or i was good at it? I guess I’ll never know the answer to that.

4. I miss my sisters being together & the time when my brother was smaller than me & we played always sumo… yeah of course i won all the time, i was 2 heads taller and ways stronger. ..and NOW.. what’s NOW .. he’s even taller than my dead. O dude, he was so small back then…

5. I miss this one night with my mum when i was seven. It was the first night i rembered us two alone @ house & we were watching this very sad film, where the mother died in the end. At least I was crying so hard that all my face and even my fringes got wet. I was sobbing unswervingly and asking without stopping.. why, why, why we have to die mummy, why..

She tried to explain it but i was so drenched in my pain, that i couldn’t listen and just kept on crying and asking. With my head on her lap, my mother hold me for hours weeping til i finally was asleep.

I will never forget this night. Over the years i rembered myself everytime exactly on this moment when i was absolutely sure that my mother doesn’t love me. This moment when it was all-out wet , and turned my head up and looked up to my mother, but she was just hunked over me caring & holding my shaking body. Honestly I am not even sure if I miss this night.. it’s probably more this feeling that i miss. Being a child & allowed tob e so vunerable, so innocent, so cared about.

Years later, they played the film again in television, and once again i couldn’t hold back my tears, but this time I cried..not about the film.. i cried, because I was remembering this one moment.. and mainly because this time i was so alone.

6. Even I have the greatest best friend in the world, now for wholy 5 years & I would change her for nothing in the world, sometimes I miss all the best friends i’ve ever had . I think about, what they are might doing right now & where they at. To tell the truth, it’s a small number of persons & i am not sure if i should either be sad or happy about that.

7. I miss doing overnights @ my grandmothers house & her honeyroll & carrot juice for breakfast.

In fact I miss so many things & maybe I am living too much in the past or maybe I am too nostalgic, but hey..I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now! So why don’t appreciate it.. hell… i better go now…. This is going tob e precarious..

Therefore the thing about missing is,

"If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things that are missing.“ If you don't have love in your life, no matter what else there is, it's not enough."

xo Katy