It's all about letting go -... 7 days!

 

Yesterday my class made me a goodbye party on a "campo" with typical argentine asado & my beloved horses ;).  I should tell you that it was really sweet & it really was, but til yesterday at least I did never feel like leaving soon..  Actually the last few weeks i was living in every day how it comes...  According to the principle.. Not thinking to much just enjoy..

 So NO although i knew it of course always.. it never felt like there's nearly no time left...

But today .. today I realised it, it's one week..

Just one week..7 DAYS, 168 HOURS, 8680 MINUTES! Conclusion: That's nothing..

And then I noticed this feeling.. it started slowly but became faster and stronger within seconds til I couldn't restrain it anymore..

The first time.. my heart beating faster, my lungs panting for air.. and this voice in my head echoing continously..  And I knew it, I don't wanna go home!

I am not the person who just coasts through life. I hit every red light. I think I've really become someone I love in the past few months. I realized that I am respectful, I am caring, I am genuine. I don't try to be these things. That is the only way that I can be. It is in my bones. But recently I've learned how to be these things the right way.I've learned how to be caring, respectful, genuine, AND protect myself from those who aren't.

I'm so happy with life right now . The best feeling in the world is finally knowing you took a step in the right direction, a step towards the future where everything that you never thought was possible is possible.

I am afraid of this things  going away.. maybe I am not ready to come back.. maybe I’ll never be..!

Well,.. we all know... to let go is an inevitable part of life..  not just in this case..  that's what it‘s about. .. And so there is no sense in moaning .. not about how unfair this all is..  neither that i would prefer to stay or that I am absolutely aware of the fact that everything in my life will change again..

.

The only thing I can do right now, Is to enjoy every single day that is left & make some kind of summary about a few things I've learnt and the ton of resolutions for what still lies ahead.

I tell you one thing people. I am a victim of my surroundings. The behavior of others directly affects my state of mind.  I cry for the pain of others. I smile for them, get angry for them. I tend to want better for others more than I can even bother to want for myself.

I can't change other people. I can't make them do what's right. But I can make sure that I do what's right. Unless I will always try that those who I surround myself with do what's right. I can remind them that life can be beautiful. Beautiful, not easy.

 When other people choose wrong I have to comfort myself in knowing that I would and will choose right. I'm not a saint but I will do the best I can.

 I will follow my heart and work towards my dreams and reach my goals. I will help who I can help and I will give what I can give. That is what will make my life fulfilling.

 Those thoughts keep me from that ugly state of mind.You have to become the driving force behind your own happiness. You have to become your own ray of sunshine. And if you can manage to shed a little light on a few other people, the more the merrier.

So yes..., I decided, a human being can truly change. The events of the past year have taught me much about myself, and a few universal truths. I learned, for instance, that while wounds can be inflicted easily upon those we love, it's often much more difficult to heal them. Yet the process of healing those wounds provided the richest experience of my life, leading me to believe that while I've often overestimated what I could accomplish in a day, I had underestimated what I could do in a year. But most of all, I learned  that you cannot make someone love you .All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

See you soon (and this time it’s pretty honest)

  

all my love K